First Counselling Session with James: What to Expect and How to Begin

The hardest part of counselling is not the sessions. It is the bit before. The moment you decide to reach out to someone you have never met and say something along the lines of 'I think I need to talk to someone.'

Most people sit with that though for weeks or months before they do anything about it. They draft a message and delte it. They look at a website and close the tab. They tell themselves they will do it next week.

If you are in that right now, I want to tell you what actually happens when you get in touch with me. Because the. not knowing is often the thing that keeps people stuck.

The first message

Photo by Jan Tinneberg

You can email me, call me or fill in the contact form on my website. There is no wrong way to do it. Some people write long messages explaining everything. Others send two lines, Some just say "I'm not sure if this is for me but I wanted to ask."

All of that is fine. You do not need to have a clear idea of what is wrong. You do not need to explain yourself. You just need to get in touch.

I will reply and we will arrange a short conversation.

The intro call

Before we start any counselling, I offer a free twenty minute phone call. This is not a session. It is a chance for you to hear my voice, ask questions, and get a sense of whether I feel like someone you could talk to.

I will ask a little about what brought you to counselling. Not in detail, just enough to understand whether I am the right person to help. Sometimes I am not, and if that is the case I will say honestly and point you somewhere better.

You can ask me anything. How I work, What sessions are like. How often we would meet. What it costs. Whether I have experience with what you are going through.

Most people say the same thing after this call. 'That was easier than I expected.' The worry is almost always bigger than the reality.

There is no obligation after the intro call. If it does not feel right. you do not have to explain why. You can just say no thanks and that is the end of it.

The first counselling session

If the intro call felt good, we book your first proper session. This is fifty minutes, either in person in Sissinghurst or online.

You do not need to arrive with a plan. Most people start with something like "I'm not really sure where to begin." That is a perfectly good place to start in your first counselling session.

I will probably ask you what has been on your mind. Not in a clinical way. Just a human way. You can say as much or as little as you want. Some people talk for most of the session. Others need longer to settle in. Both are fine.

I am not assessing you. I am not diagnosing you. I am paying attention to what you are telling me and trying to understand what is is like to be you right now.

It might feel strange. You are sitting with you someone whose only job is to listen to you, without judgement, without advice, without trying to fix it. Most people have never experienced this before.

Some people leave feeling lighter. Others leave feeling stirred up, like something has been loosened. Both of those responses make sense.

What I will not do

I will not tell you what to do. I might suggest something to try between sessions, a worksheet or an exercise, but there is no obligation. If it feels useful, great. If not, we leave it. I will not push you to talk about anything you are not ready for.

I will not pretend to have all the answers. Counselling is not about someone who has it figured out sitting across from someone who doesn't. It is two people thinking together.

After the first session

At the end we will check in. How did that feel. Do you want to come back. There is no pressure either way. If it felt right, we book another session. Most people come weekly. We settle into a rhythm and go from there.

If something felt uncomfortable, that does not necessarily mean it is wrong. Sometimes discomfort is a sign that you are getting close to something that matters. It can also be a sign that you are holding back. I will check that with you. We will talk about what came up and what it was like to be in the room.

If after that it still does not feel right, that is okay. Not every counsellor is the right fit for every person. I will never make you feel bad for deciding to look elsewhere.

The bit that matters most

People often think the important part of counselling is what happens in the roo, But the most important moment is the one before that. The moment you decide to stop carrying it all alone.

The first message or phone call is the hardest step. Everything after it gets easier.

If you have been thinking about it, you can get in touch through my contact page.