Journal

There is a lot of support for people who have been left. But if you are the one who ended it, people assume you are fine. Leaving is still a loss. You can feel relieved and devastated at the same time. This post is about the grief, guilt and confusion that comes with being the one who walked away.

Most people do not come to counselling and say they want to talk about shame. They come because they are anxious, or stuck, or their relationship is struggling. But when we look at what is underneath, shame is often there. Quietly running things from the background.

Most people sit with the idea of counselling for weeks before they reach out. The not knowing is often the thing that keeps them stuck. This post walks through what actually happens when you contact me for the first time, from the first message to the intro call to the first proper session. Keywords: contact a counsellor, first counselling session, what to expect from counselling, counselling in Kent

Many people ask whether monthly counselling is enough. While it can work in some situations, spacing sessions too far apart often slows progress. Real change tends to build through rhythm, consistency, and repeated conversations. Weekly sessions allow patterns to emerge, trust to develop, and deeper work to take hold over time.

I do not ask you to think positively or love yourself on days when that feels impossible. Counselling for low mood starts where you actually are.

Retirement is often framed as something to look forward to, but it is also a significant ending. When work stops, identity, routine, and relationships can shift in unexpected ways. People may feel unsettled, flat, or unsure of their place, especially at home. Counselling can offer space to talk honestly about this transition, without pressure to feel grateful or have everything figured out.

Many men arrive at counselling later than they would like. Not because things are fine, but because asking for help has never felt straightforward. By the time they reach out, something has often been carried alone for a long time. Counselling can offer space to speak honestly, without judgement, pressure, or needing to have the right words.

Most people do not arrive at counselling quickly. By the time someone books a first session, they have often been sitting with the idea for months or years. They tell themselves they are coping, that it is not serious enough, that now is not the right time. Waiting is rarely avoidance. It is often a way of protecting yourself until you feel ready enough to be honest. Counselling can offer a place to pause and say things out loud without needing to have it all worked out.

Grief is rarely what people expect. It is not always sadness or tears. It can show up as numbness, guilt, relief, or a sense of disconnection. During my placement at Hospice in the Weald, I worked with family members and carers, some bereaved, others living with the knowledge that someone they loved was dying. As Lois Tonkin describes, grief does not shrink. Life grows around it. Counselling can help you carry it with less isolation.